Awaji trip (w hitchhiking)

After an exhausting long walk under the hot sun, we finally found an open eatery. 2018.

And then the miracle happened

The category changed from PROBLEM to SOLVED.

Today, I was planning to go to the dean's office and plead discuss with her about my situation, hoping that she can offer some solution. However, the office sent me a message to tell me that she just left this morning for a flight to the US and won't be back until the 20th. Well, there goes my so-called plan.

Thankfully, with God's word of assurance to me last Sunday, I am already at peace since then and even confidently went away for a free four-day Christian conference this week. And since I was due to meet a Christian friend this afternoon, I prepared to go out into the windy/rainy street without even as much as a doubt that God will surely deliver on His promise on the right day. I had no idea how but I'm sure He will -- somehow.

Perhaps the answer will come from my home church in the Philippines. This morning, I was talking to two friends from there and one of them said she will tell our leaders there about me and see if they can do something. So you see, Im not really that worried anymore because I knew God can use any of those people to help me. Or it could even be total strangers. Or something more unimaginable. It was just a matter of time.

Anyway, I arrived at my friend's house and we chatted for a bit about any updates these past few days. I told her a couple of friends already offered to lend me money but I didn't accept right away because: (a) I wasn't sure I can fulfill the terms that goes with it and (b) I was waiting for 'something else' to happen. That 'something else' I was waiting for was God's miracle, no matter how strange it was to say it at that time. xD

Then, my friend said they've been praying and felt like God was "leading them to give me this". ("This" being an envelope of cash.) Now, I already know that she wanted to meet to talk about my 'situation' and also mentioned that she wanted to help contribute so I wasn't that surprised that she would give me something. But when she said it contains 130k, I did a double take. 

My eyes knew what was happening before my mind registered it because the tears came first before the comprehension.

Okay, actually I was just crying for the next several seconds. I mean, I knew God would do something, but again, it's something I could not even imagine.

This is it. This is the 'something else' that I've been waiting for. It's done.

On my way home the first thing that came to mind was: "Who am I that You are mindful of me, God?"

 

But it didn't end there. I love how God is very exact. I remembered that three days ago, I received two other envelopes that contained a total of 4k. 130k + 4k = 134k. That's the exact amount I need for the tuition. I have no words, man.

--

Next episode: Scholarship. Her scholarship is ending this month and the new one she applied to has no result yet. Will she pass? She believes so. What if she doesn't? Then 'something else' will happen. All she knows is, with every miracle that she experienced, it's not that hard anymore to expect the impossible.

From Frustration to Peace

These past few days I was concerned that the helplessness and frustration I was feeling would turn into something worse so I fervently prayed for God to take them away and replace them with something from Him.

Thanks to His word of assurance yesterday, I am now more sure than ever that He will see me through this and will not let me down. Then there's His word this morning:

2 Thessalonians:

¹⁵ So then, brothers and sisters, stand firm and hold fast to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.
¹⁶ May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, ¹⁷ encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.

Finally, I'm listening properly now.

 

How God finally answered my prayer from yesterday

I just left church today still feeling down.

In fact, I was so down that during my train ride back I couldn't hold back my tears any longer and ended up having to wipe my eyes every so often. I had to lull myself into taking a nap just to stop myself from crying in helplessness.

God I resolved not to depend on any other people for this, not my parents, not my churchmates, not my friends. God Im calling on to You. Im entirely dependent on You on this. Please dont let me down.

I had to change trains at the central station and had a choice between the Express and the Local train. The Express one already has all its seats filled and as I was walking along trying to find an empty seat, I thought about just heading to the Local one where there are plenty of empty seats.

Okay, just one more and if I dont find any empty seat Im entering the Local train. Then surprisingly I found an empty seat! Cool. I entered the Express train but then I saw another empty seat inside. I dont know why but I headed to that other one instead of the first one I saw.

On my right was an old man reading some papers in Japanese but I can only make out some words in Katakana. I thought it was a script because I remembered seeing the name "Naomi" in katakana. After a few minutes, he packed his papers and then brought out a small book. The book was inside a black leather zippered cover and I remember thinking, wow that kinda looks like a bible. Interesting.
 

Then I looked closely at the heading and I saw the word "Jeremiah" in Katakana. 

It was a bible alright.
 

Well, what are the chances of me sitting beside an old Japanese person who reads the bible on a train ? 

His bible was turned to Jeremiah chapters 42 and 43 so I gamely opened my bible app and started reading in english.

Anyway, after reading I turned to him and asked (in my broken Japanese), "That's a bible right?"

"Yes."
 

Then I showed him my phone where I was reading in the english version. I told him I'm an international student. Then I asked if, by any chance, he is a pastor. 

He said yes.
 

Well, what are the chances of me sitting beside an old Japanese person on a train who turns out to be a Christian pastor? 

We chatted for a bit and I discovered that he goes to a church in Sakai-shi but he lives in Takarazuka. However, he said, he'll only be there until March because starting from April he will be at Ishibashi church. That sounds awfully familiar.
 

I asked him if, by any chance, he knows someone by the name of Cory Giesbrecht, one friend who is a missionary . 

He said he does.
 

Well, what are the chances of me sitting beside an old Japanese person on a train who turns out to be a Christian pastor who turns out to know a friend of mine?

--

By the way, those verses from Jeremiah that I read on the train? These ones:

Jeremiah 42

3 that the Lord your God may show us the way in which we should walk and the thing we should do.”

5 So they said to Jeremiah, “Let the Lord be a true and faithful witness between us, if we do not do according to everything which the Lord your God sends us by you. 6 Whether it is pleasing or displeasing, we will obey the voice of the Lord our God to whom we send you, that it may be well with us when we obey the voice of the Lord our God.” (God's previous instructions to me to cast all my cares to Him and rejoice and be thankful.)

9 and said to them, “Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, to whom you sent me to present your petition before Him: 10 ‘If you will still remain in this land, then I will build you and not pull you down, and I will plant you and not pluck you up. For I relent concerning the disaster that I have brought upon you. 11 Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, of whom you are afraid; do not be afraid of him,’ says the Lord, ‘for I am with you, to save you and deliver you from his hand.

What's even more surprising was that those exact verses were already highlighted, probably when I was reading there for my devotion last year.

Click here to read how God delivered on this promise after four days.

#ToBeHonest: I am weak

I thought, okay this is a new day and Im finally gonna hear from God and it's all gonna be good. 

I was only partly right.

1 Thessalonians 5:

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

This led me to basically sulk for the rest of the day. I was disappointed because I felt like God won't even talk to me and tell me some words of encouragement. I know it sounds childish, but I was thinking that just any word from Him would at least keep me going in the midst of this crisis.

But no, the word I got from Him that morning was "Rejoice and be thankful". Hardly encouraging to me. In fact, I was literally like, God You gotta be kidding me... How can I rejoice? Im facing expulsion and currently not seeing any way to solve it. I dont even know what to feel right now.

I'm not gonna pretend like, okay then I will rejoice because You said so. I couldn't.
 

Or, okay Im gonna be thankful because You said so. I couldn't.
 

God this is so difficult. I know I dont have any right to complain because other people are suffering in much worse ways than me. But that doesn't make my situation any less painful.

The whole morning all the way to church, I was just mulling about that Word, thinking about how God has so high expectations of me for Him to instruct me to rejoice even though I was hurting. God, I don't know how.

My feeling was basically an alternate among numbness (I dont want to deal with any emotion now so I'll just choose to not care about anything), to frustration (This situation is just so annoying, what do they expect me to do, do i need to rob a bank just to get an education here?), to self pity (Talk about poverty cycle -- because I dont have money they wont give me education and that leads to less opportunities in the future).

I dont want to pretend like I understand what You're saying and what is happening. I don't.
 

Even though I know all the correct Christian response/s to this situation, I couldn't apply them. I was weak.

It was pathetic of me as someone who claims to be Christian to respond in such a way. And because I was so focused on my disappointment with God's refusal to talk to me, I couldn't encourage other people. I couldnt even listen properly to what they were saying.

 

At some point during the day I remembered about that line in a Christian movie that says "The Teacher is always silent during the test". Okay, I can accept that. But, I told God, "You are not just my Teacher right? You're also my Father." I was thinking, He should at least give me some moral support during this difficult time.

--

As I was going through the verses I read this morning for my quiet time, I noticed that I was so focused on the first set of verses that I completely forgot the 24th verse!

1 Thessalonians 5:

24 The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

He did say He will do it. Again, I was just not listening properly. 



Click here to read what happened on the train ride home.

#ToBeHonest: I don't know what to do anymore

That message hit me like a truck. 

No, maybe more like a train. 

I was in disbelief. Maybe for them it was just a standard email to a student during a normal day at the office. But to me, it's like someone told me "Im sorry you cant pursue your dream anymore, it stops here."
 

I missed the deadline for paying the tuition in our university because, well, I don't even have 1/10 of the amount required. So even before the deadline, I already messaged our department head to give her a heads up and ask her if there is something else we can do about it. So far, no respone from her yet. But I did get an email from the admin staff telling me if I still don't pay tuition by the middle of March I will be expelled from school. No exceptions. 

That was the message.

My first response was: Um, God...?

Wala namang ganyanan o... 

I was suddenly confronted with the real possibility that I wont be able to graduate, among some other worse things. Is it Your will God that I don't graduate? That I go and do something else? God please talk to me. Didn't You send me here on a mission? I literally don't know what to do about this...
 

The whole day today I was not my usual self and I just kept asking God to give me a Word -- to please talk to me in a different way. I know this sounds frivolous or too demanding but I just want to hear from You in a special way.

Before I slept tonight I did some audio editing and I realized, to my annoyance, that I made a mistake so I had to redo some part of it. I had to identify the exact point where I made a mistake so I can cut it properly that's why I listened to the mp3 again and marked the timestamp. It's at the 55-minute and 22-second mark. 55:22. That sounded really familiar to me and I quickly realized why. Because a couple of weeks ago we were doing a bible study and the verse Psalm 55:22 came up in the discussion. I opened my bible to that verse and this is what it says:

Cast your cares on the Lord
    and he will sustain you;
he will never let
    the righteous be shaken.

But this wasn't enough to convince me and I just went like: Yeah I know God but...what do we do about this problem?

Apparently, I wasn't listening.

Click here to read what happened the next day.

Come as you are

³⁸ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  - Luke 10:38-42

We were talking about this story of sisters Martha and Mary tonight and usually my kneejerk impression from this is that the personal communication with Jesus is more important than all the serving we can do for Him. You know, that thing about "good vs. best".

But tonight something new struck me as the others were discussing about Martha's being busy. Her hospitality is good because it signifies that she is (supposedly) concerned about the welfare of the Guest. Meanwhile, Mary was just sitting there listening to the Guest!

This scenario reminded me of this: When God tries to talk to me, am I pulling a Martha? That is, maybe I try to tell him to "sit on a chair while I prepare stuff IN ORDER to talk to him properly". Or maybe I flat out refuse to talk to Him because first I want to compose myself and look/feel like a proper Christian before we talk.

This time, it was as if God was telling me that Mary was right in just coming as she is. I dont need to "prepare" or appear acceptable just so I can talk to Him. (Besides, any change I could do will only be superficial and temporary.)

I can freely come as I am. Any time. No pretense. No putting on a facade. 

That's the time He can start changing me from the inside out. 

Because only He can.

Don't cry

 OJT and Thesis manuscript

I have a story before I've accomplished the OJT manuscript.

These happened on March 30, 2017.

It was 4:45 AM when I wake up. I came to the walking closet (prayer room) to pray and devote my time to the Lord until 6:15. I prayed for all the requirements that I have in my studies. It was very difficult for me to accomplish. I've wrote it in a yellow paper and prayed for it. I meditate on Luke 7:1-37 and there is a word on verse 13 that says, “don’t cry”. These two words strike me. The Lord impress to me that there is nothing impossible with Him. Tough the boy was dead on that chapter, the Lord Jesus still made him alive. He cares for us and don't want us to live in sorrow. We just need to give every concern to Him.

After having my devotion I send my realization through text message to my family and cell groups then I prepared to go to our college. My uncle "papa sime" replied on my text, he said, Praise God, I have my companion to reach out our family". 

During lunch break, I ate at our college canteen and my teacher maam Claire told me about my OJT. She said that she's not sure if she can send me to Sorsogon for OJT because of some reasons. I thought its okay, my second option is the BFAR-NFFTC nearby CLSU so that I may continue to meet my bible study contacts while doing the field practice or On the Job Training (OJT). Yes, I thought its okay but I still have that desire to go home at Sorsogon while doing the OJT because its almost one year since I've visited my own province.

After my class I went to the apartment. Daniel played a music entitled "This is my desire" and I follow the bit and the lyrics of the song. While singing, I prayed again my concern about going home. I looked on my calendar and its seems so impossible for me to go home if I will not do my OJT at Sorsogon. If that so, I will wait for another six months to go home. During the heights of my prayer I cried to God and remember my commitment to Him that I will serve Him, He is the one that will decide for me  and not my will but His will for me. When He said before that I will go to NCLS instead of going home, I go. If it is His will for me to do my OJT at nearby CLSU and not going home, its okay but still I have this desire to go home because I have too much load and pressure at CLSU. I want to take a little bit of rest on my home. While praying to God with tears, I remember what he said on my devotion  "Don't cry". Instead of stop crying, I cried all the more because I was overwhelmed with the Lord's message and instruction before the situation came. I praise the Lord and have the hope that He is in control, if He can raised the dead, he can also change the mind of my teacher.

Praise God, I'm on my home

with coconut and pine apple. Hehe

Praise the Lord on April 2, 2017 the Lord answered my prayer. My teacher allowed me to have my OJT on BFAR-NSTDC located at Sorsogon City.